Never Let Me Go
by Hanabi Mitsu
Summary: Arms full of Basilisk fangs, Hermione realizes what she wantsright in the heat of battle.  Dialogue taken from p. 625 of Deathly Hallows.


I knew perfectly well that I could die at any moment. I had accepted this fact. I was not going to go into hysterics over it. I had made all the necessary precautions, should I die—which I fully expected. My parents would never have to go through the grieving process. They didn't even remember me, so my death would mean absolutely nothing to them. Only two Horcruxes remained. I wouldn't be much help with either of those. Harry already knew where the diadem was, and finding Nagini wouldn't be too difficult for him. The war was coming so close to a finish anyway. The others would be more than capable of continuing on without me if I were to get hit with a killing curse.

Of course I had a will to live. It was just that my grasp on reality was stronger.

Ever since I had been old enough to think about it, my death had been something I thought about on occasion. I had always expected to be at least seventy, surrounded by my children, grandchildren, and husband, who was dying right there next to me. Our lives would go out together, surrounded by all those we loved. If one died first, the other would not mourn because they would soon follow. We would be together again soon.

Yet at the same time, I had never really pictured death as a possibility. It was always something only adults had to worry about—never something that should even enter a child's mind.

Even for the Sorcerer's Stone or at the Department of Mysteries, I had never actually expected to die because Harry, Ron and so many others I trusted to the ends of the earth surrounded me. Harry was all-powerful in my mind. Death simply wasn't an option for him.

But lately, death had become a much more real possibility to me. Somehow during the Horcrux hunt, I had realized that Harry was not all-powerful. Though he seemed to be the master of death at times even without the Hallows, he seemed to be brought back down to reality for me. All those weeks searching for Horcruxes that weren't there had made him human like nothing else could for me.

Death was now real for me too.

Every night when I went around, putting all the enchantments around our camp, I had no way of knowing if something might go wrong or if the enchantments might be broken by an incredibly powerful dark wizard. I had no way of knowing if I would even wake up the next morning or if I would simply be killed in my sleep without my even knowing of my approaching doom.

Of course, my life meant next to nothing compared with Harry's. He was the Wizarding world's only hope for survival and a return to a normal lifestyle. I think most people knew that in the backs of their minds, whether or not they acknowledged it consciously. Even if they were being brainwashed by Voldemort and his followers, they still knew. Voldemort obviously knew it too.

So here I was, standing in the Room of Requirement, having just destroyed a piece of Voldemort's soul myself, trying to think of nothing but the remaining Horcruxes, even with my thoughts of the oh-so-real possibility of my death just around the corner.

I suppose my life could have been considered complete. I had done so much in my eighteen years—more than most full-grown wizards had done. I had helped recover the Sorcerer's Stone, survived a Basilisk attack, helped a supposed mass murderer escape, tried to rescue that same supposed murder from danger he was not in, and so much more. In terms of danger and adventure, my life had been chalk-full.

I thought back to that idea of being surrounded by loved ones as my life faded.

So in that way, my life really wasn't complete. I had no children, no grandchildren. I was, after all, only eighteen. Now I would never be able to have that ideal image of a family. I didn't even have a boyfriend.

Well, a real boyfriend, anyway. Even on the brink of death, I wasn't sure where at all I was with Ron. It was almost as if we had come to a silent understanding. I loved him more than life itself, and I knew he felt…something for me, though I wasn't sure of the depth of his feelings.

I looked at the red-haired boy standing next to me, his arms full of Basilisk fangs. Though we were probably both about to die at any moment, I still was able to gather warmth from his presence. This was the man I would walk through Hell for.

I realized at that moment what my life was really missing. I realized that I would never get what I wanted more than anything else in the world. As I was standing there looking at Ron, I was gripped by the realization that I would never be truly, completely, incandescently happy without him in my life as something more than just a friend. Now he never would be. I would never know what it would feel like to have his lips on mine, which was what I truly, desperately wanted. It had been what I wanted for longer than I would care to admit.

"Hang on a moment!" Ron's voice startled me out of my reverie. "We've forgotten someone!"

"Who?" I asked.

"The house-elves, they'll all be down in the kitchen, won't they?" he clarified.

"You mean we ought to get them fighting?" Harry asked.

"No. I mean we should tell them to get out," Ron explained. "We don't want any more Dobbies, do we? We can't order them to die for us--"

In that moment, all my inhibitions fell away like the basilisk fangs I had been holding a moment before. Without ever telling myself to do so, I found myself running. My body was moving of its own accord. I was thrown into Ron's arms. Before I fully knew what my body wanted to do, my mouth was covering his, and I never, ever wanted to let go.

In the moment it took for Ron to understand what was happening, I realized it didn't matter what happened after this. In fact, I could not of a better time and place for this to happen. If it turned out I was horribly mistaken and he didn't feel what I felt for him, it wouldn't matter. We were about to die anyway. I'd never get a chance to feel his disapproval and awkwardness in my presence. And so as long as there were no consequences, I might as well get as much out of this, right? I pushed my lips harder against his.

And then the strangest thing happened. Ron was pushing back. So I I had /I been right. He I did /I feel the same, the exact same.

Damn.

In spite of the rush of happiness that had come just a moment before, I felt a flood of desolation fill me. We could have had so much, but we were both so stupid and blind for so long. If we had only stopped being so impossibly stubborn, we could have had so much time, but no. This was it. Because we were going to die. I'd never get this again. I pushed even harder.

We were both frantic. We knew this was destined to be both our first and last kiss. We gripped each other ever harder. We were trying to get as much as we possibly could in the oh-so-limited time we had.

Harry said something, and Ron and I broke apart, though we kept our arms firmly locked around each other.

"I know, mate. So it's now or never, isn't it?" he muttered, never taking his eyes off me.

I so wanted to throw myself on him again, but I knew that was entirely impossible. The moment had passed. I needed to accept that.

I Please don't let me go, /I I thought desperately. I Never let me go. /I 

Ron gazed intensely into my eyes. All the rest of the world dissolved. There was no longer any war. There was no Voldemort. There was no Death.

And that was it. i There was no Death. /i Could I possibly believe it? Could I possibly hope that we could both survive this? Could I possibly think we could still have a life together?

And looking into Ron's eyes, I knew I had the answer. i Hell yes! /i 


End file.
